15. A habit you have that other people bug you over.
I peel the skin off my hands and feet. As in long, thick, strips of my own flesh. I am the one doing it and I no longer have delusions; it is disgusting. I’ve been doing it since I was 9.
I have been, now, diagnosed with a form of Psychodermotosis which is a faucet of Dermatillomanic behavior (or put simply “skin picking impulse control disorder due to psychological reasons”). My case has put me in a number of therapy sessions as a kid, among other reasons, and in and out of doctors and dermatologist’s offices growing up. In around 1998 one doctor told me my hands might be allergic to water - which is fun to repeat and a easy answer to tell people when I don’t feel like explaining/talking about it/giving a shit, but that was the stupidest diagnosis for sure. The study of Dermatillomania hasn’t honestly come far from when I was 11, but it is better.
And my “habit” has gotten better too. Between the ages of 12-15 I was picking almost the entirety of both my hands and my feet to the point were sometimes just holding a pen or putting on shoes could be extremely painful. The nerves in my hands in particular are rightly damaged and I have the weakest grip on the face of the planet.
I am, honestly, working on focusing and coming to terms with what I do to myself and I have come a long way - but I still find people telling me to stop biting/picking/scratching when I wasn’t even aware I was doing it. What sometimes enrages me is that people don’t realize that picking is basically my default mode of existence - I don’t honestly know if I’ll ever get to a point were I will stop doing it entirely. Sometimes I get scared for when I get old; my body will stop healing itself and my skin will get thinner and even more frail - will I have open wounds on my hands at 70?
So yeah. Picking is my biggest “habit” - but I also kind of swear a lot. I’m working on that too. XP
